Constructive criticism
Would you mind if I gave you some feedback? What hthat mena is\; qould you mind if I gave you some nwegative feedback in the disguise of constructive criticism?
The problem with criticism is that it challenges our sense of value. It implies judgement and we all recoil from that. Daniel Goleman has noted: threats to our esteem in the eyes of others can be so potent that they can literally feel like threats to our survival.
Still.feedback is necessary for us to learn and frow. So what is the best way to deliver so that it providesd the greatest value?, so that the recipient absorbs and acts on it.
First, what we say is often less important than how we say it..
Do not give feedback when we we are feeling that our own value is at risk. We are more likely to be reactive, insensditive and hurtful. Anytime we provide feedback to meet our needs, rather than being responsive to theirs, will not work.
2. do not give feedback by failing to hold the other perdond value in the process. Even the ost well-intended criticism will make us feel our value is at risk. And under attack. When that happens, the primal impulse is to defent ourselves. The more the person you are critizing feels compelled to defend her value, the less capable she becomes of absorbing what she is hearing.
3. don’t assume that we are right about whatever we are inclined to say.our stories are not necessary tru, they are simply an interpretation. It makes more sense to offer feedback in a spirit of humble exploration rather than declaration, dialogue rather than monologue, curiosity rather than certainty. Humility is the recognition that we don’t know, even when we think we know. As Steven Covey saus: (7 habits)seek first to underdtand.
We would be better to eliminate works like feedback and constructive criticism and use works as; oportuities for honest inquiry and genuine learning.
We might say: here is the story I am telling myself….have I got it right or am I missing something?
Try it out next time you need to give some one some :”feedback”
